I don't even know...

So I'm really trying to hold it all together and just 'be'. Well, that's harder than it looks. I desire to feel like a whole person but, I just don't right now. I am unsure of so many things right now, I am trying really hard to trust God. It's just a scary thing to not be able to see what's gonna' happen next. I don't know if yall know what I mean by all this. Just bare with me here. I'm just gonna' ramble because my brain feels like scrambled egg soup right now. Rambling is all I can accomplish at the moment.
Everything is just so difficult. Marriage is not an easy thing. Please, don't take this the wrong way...I love my marriage I am so blessed and so happy and so comfortable and content with it all. I love Jonathan he is the best man ever. Everything is just great! But that's just it...it's all just great. Everything is running smoothly. I am kind of getting tired of that. I really desire a challenge. I desire for my faith to be stretched further than it already has been. I want to draw closer to God and Jonathan. I'm just really am confused and I am needing answers. 20 years old is a very difficult age. It's like, your not a kid anymore and your not quite a teenager anymore...it's like your being pulled in the direction of adulthood but at the same time you want to hold on to that easy life of being a happy-go-lucky teenager. You know? I just feel very unstable emotionally. I don't know who to be or how to feel. I'm not sure if any other 20 year old women like me out there feel like that but if so, please leave a comment! I really want to hear from you ladies. How are you handling things? It's hard for me to just sit back and be content and happy with everything. I guess earlier, the reason why I had mentioned I felt like I needed a big scary challenge was because...growing up nothing was always happy and perfect. Happy and perfect is what my life feels like now. And, it almost feels like there is something terribly wrong with that. I feel like because everything is going so well, that there must be some big underlying thing that is going wrong. I know that isn't true. Everything is just perfect and happy. As I was saying, my life growing up wasn't always like that, if it was, it didn't last for too long-and then something terrible happened and a humongous challenge whacked everyone in the face. It woke us up! It rocked the boat...even though those moments of uncertainty and difficulty were very stressful and scary...I got this odd joy that came out of going through such testing times. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I just have been wanting some huge hard thing to happen to us...nothing harmful or anything like that lol...just some trying and testing of my faith, our faith as a married couple. The first thing I can think of that in my opinion would be a large scary testing, type challenge would be having a child. That would rock the boat quite a bit. I guess I am feeling this way because I really desire to have a deeper relationship with God and my Husband. I desire for my faith to grow, and my relationship to grow even stronger than it is now -with my Husband. I want to draw closer to God, and draw closer to my spouse. Am I crazy for feeling this way? I need some advice from a woman who's been here! Please. Whatever lady can unscramble the mess of words that I so call -a blog post, and turn it around and help me get some advice from all that I've shared would be deemed a genius in my book. Because, there are so many woman and people who can't figure me out. They don't understand me. All I'm wanting is to be understood by a woman that is going through, or has gone through what this woman is going through! *Sigh*....please comment, I'd like to keep my hair.

Thanks,

-Tina